Healing from Abusive Behavior – Part 2

Victims of abuse may turn into abusers in order to erase the shame, fears and insecurities, which plague them. They neglect those whom they should cherish, and they allow negative emotions to control our life and theirs.

We may use anger as a means to protect our self from further abuse, but this sends mixed messages. People never know when we will patiently suffer as a martyr or blow up like a volcano at the least provocation.

We may not be able to trust people, but we can trust God. Rather than acting with bombastic and combative behavior, we find our strength and confidence in Christ’s quiet resolve within us.

Then we set boundaries, and firmly but quietly caution people not to cross the line (Isaiah 30:15). They may test our boundaries; but if we consistently remind them, they will soon learn to respect us.

The older we get, the more we tell our self that the abuse happened a long time ago and we should get over it. Yet the shameful effects of the violation and the loss of our innocence and sense of trust can last a lifetime.

We may even find our self questioning if the abuse actually happened. We live in denial and convince our self that our abuser is a revered person who could never do anything that horrific.

When a trigger reminds us of the situation, it is because our soul is crying out for validation and comfort. Our true inner self is desperately attempting to gain our attention and to make us take the abuse seriously enough to stop it or to simply acknowledge it.

Snippets of words, body language, the shape of certain plants, an over-reaction that we cannot explain, bizarre behavior that has no basis in reality are all ways that our soul uses to force us to face and validate the incident(s).

Journaling will enable us to get in touch with the episode(s) and tell our story of abuse without having to make it public knowledge. Journaling validates our feelings, nurtures our wounded soul and is extremely healing.

Prayer:
Father God, You collect all of our tears in Your bottle and avenge every one of them (Psalm 56:8). Even if we feel that we somehow caused or deserved the abuse, You wash away our shame and replace it with the righteousness of Christ (Isaiah 61:7).

Remind us that forgiving our perpetrator actually helps us to heal by taking them off our “hook” and placing them firmly on Your hook. You are much better at rendering vengeance than we are (Romans 12:19; Deuteronomy 32:35). Thank You for healing us from our past and giving us a bright future full of Your love and acceptance (Jeremiah 29:11).

Thought for the Day:
Loss of innocence means that a person who was supposed to protect, nurture and cherish us actually abused us and stole from us what rightfully belongs to us alone.

 

For more information, please join me for regular tips about healing at:

https://www.facebook.com/healingourinnerchild/

 

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The Truth about Forgiveness

Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is our self. We struggle with forgiving the intrusion inflicted on us by others; but we often find it easier to forgive their insults and violation than to forgive our self.

 

If we refuse to forgive others, the resulting bitterness is a malignancy, which invades our body, soul and spirit; yet, if we choose to forgive, we do not excuse their behavior, but we set our self free from the bondage unforgiveness causes (Ephesians 4:31-32).

 

Our refusal to forgive our self, will inflict these same results in our body, soul and spirit (Proverbs 10:12). We grow bitter at our self for disappointing our self or someone else, or for failing to meet up to our own idealistic standards.

 

Bitterness attracts other negative emotions, such as shame, depression and hopelessness. We accuse our self of ineptitude, carelessness, greediness and thoughtlessness.

 

When we make choices that turn out badly, we are disappointed and hold a grudge against our self. These grudges fester and affect our future choices, our reactions to others and our feelings about our self (Hebrews 12:15).

 

We end up in a downward spiral, which keeps us locked into negative thoughts, emotions and future behavior (Colossians 3:8). Therefore, it is imperative that we forgive even our self (Luke 6:37; Proverbs 20:22).

 

There is no sin too wicked to receive God’s forgiveness. God’s Word tells us that to lust is equal to fornication or rape, and to hate is the same as murder (Matthew 5:21, 28). God considers all sins equal in their depravity.

 

When we forgive our self and others, we humble our pride, admit that we are human and open our soul up to God’s immeasurable grace (Hebrews 4:16). When bitterness no longer takes up space in our heart, we feel God’s peace and joy filling the void.

 

We bask in God’s love for us, and His love empowers us to love our self and others. God calls us to forgive our human tendency to wound our self and one another (Psalm 103:12).

 

Prayer:

Father God, teach us humility through our foibles and failures. It is only in our weakness that we reach out to You. Help us to understand that to forgive our self and others is to free our self from the bondage of bitterness and unforgiveness (John 18:15-27).

 

Help us to relax our impossible standards and to allow our self and others to be human (Philippians 3:13). Remind us that our prayers are hindered by negative emotions; yet, when we forgive and focus on the life of Christ within us, You can forgive us and open the windows of heaven to pour out Your blessings on our life (Mark 11:25; Malachi 3:10).

 

Thought for the Day:

When we choose to forgive our self and others for being human, we allow our self the opportunity to experience the forgiveness and unconditional love of God in all of its fullness. – 1 John 1:9