Healing from Abusive Behavior – Part 2

Victims of abuse may turn into abusers in order to erase the shame, fears and insecurities, which plague them. They neglect those whom they should cherish, and they allow negative emotions to control our life and theirs.

We may use anger as a means to protect our self from further abuse, but this sends mixed messages. People never know when we will patiently suffer as a martyr or blow up like a volcano at the least provocation.

We may not be able to trust people, but we can trust God. Rather than acting with bombastic and combative behavior, we find our strength and confidence in Christ’s quiet resolve within us.

Then we set boundaries, and firmly but quietly caution people not to cross the line (Isaiah 30:15). They may test our boundaries; but if we consistently remind them, they will soon learn to respect us.

The older we get, the more we tell our self that the abuse happened a long time ago and we should get over it. Yet the shameful effects of the violation and the loss of our innocence and sense of trust can last a lifetime.

We may even find our self questioning if the abuse actually happened. We live in denial and convince our self that our abuser is a revered person who could never do anything that horrific.

When a trigger reminds us of the situation, it is because our soul is crying out for validation and comfort. Our true inner self is desperately attempting to gain our attention and to make us take the abuse seriously enough to stop it or to simply acknowledge it.

Snippets of words, body language, the shape of certain plants, an over-reaction that we cannot explain, bizarre behavior that has no basis in reality are all ways that our soul uses to force us to face and validate the incident(s).

Journaling will enable us to get in touch with the episode(s) and tell our story of abuse without having to make it public knowledge. Journaling validates our feelings, nurtures our wounded soul and is extremely healing.

Prayer:
Father God, You collect all of our tears in Your bottle and avenge every one of them (Psalm 56:8). Even if we feel that we somehow caused or deserved the abuse, You wash away our shame and replace it with the righteousness of Christ (Isaiah 61:7).

Remind us that forgiving our perpetrator actually helps us to heal by taking them off our “hook” and placing them firmly on Your hook. You are much better at rendering vengeance than we are (Romans 12:19; Deuteronomy 32:35). Thank You for healing us from our past and giving us a bright future full of Your love and acceptance (Jeremiah 29:11).

Thought for the Day:
Loss of innocence means that a person who was supposed to protect, nurture and cherish us actually abused us and stole from us what rightfully belongs to us alone.

 

For more information, please join me for regular tips about healing at:

https://www.facebook.com/healingourinnerchild/

 

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Pointless Rebellion

Some people refuse to adhere to the traditions of our society (Romans 13: 1-14; Hebrews 13:17). They buck the system and rebel against human and Biblical rules and regulations. Therefore, God cannot bless them (Isaiah 1:20).

These people actually yearn for approval, but since their basics instincts are not well received, they decide to go the other way and live in defiance and revolt in every area of life.

Some even become a thorn in the side of society and often end up in prison. The rebel really wants to comply and gain approval, but since they do not measure up, they grow bitter and hate everyone, even their own self.

God’s standards are higher than the system of this world; yet, many of our society’s rules are patterned after Biblical truth (1 Peter 2:18-21; 1 Timothy 2:1-4). The nonconformist views God and the government as rule-makers, which do not accept or validate who they truly are inside.

If rebels would surrender their lack of self-esteem to God, they would find acceptance in His family. God creates a clean heart in us and renews His Spirit within us (Psalm 51:10).

At some point, we all start to realize the futility of attempting to control our own life. The alternative is to trust in God’s plan for us (Ephesians 2:10), and to walk in the Spirit through every issue we face (Galatians 5:15-25).

Even if things do not progress as we think they should, if there is an apparent setback or imperfection in our life, God’s love helps us to retain our faith in His faithfulness.

Prayer:
Father God, a rebel in this world is also rebelling against You. They want their body, emotions, thoughts and goals to be accepted by those who are supposed to love them, regardless of their behavior.

This attitude stems from pride. You resist the proud, but You exalt the humble (James 4:6). Please teach our rebellious loved ones to call on Your Spirit, to humble their pride, to submit to Your calling on their life and to surrender control of their life over to you.

Thought for the Day:
When we consent to God’s will and obey His Word, He proves that He cares for all of our needs. – Isaiah 1:19; 1 Peter 5:7; Psalm 55:22

Transformed Life

We often measure our success by our accomplishments. We crave the affirmation of our parents and peers. When we do not receive this validation, or when we fail to succeed in life, we lose all hope of a meaningful existence. We often change venues and attempt to receive recognition and triumph in some other area. We may enjoy fame for a while, but soon even that is hollow and vain.

There is only one way to truly succeed in this world. Once we surrender our entire life to God, He will direct our steps (Proverbs 3:5-6). We grow in ways we never thought possible. Our hard heart is softened (Ezekiel 36:26), our knowledge increases concerning eternal conquests, our emotions level out, and our relationships deepen.

The Word of God penetrates into the most private areas of our life and transforms our mind and enlightens our soul (2 Timothy 3:14-16). God blesses us with His love in more abundant measures than we could ever deserve (2 Corinthians 9:8). We have the power, along with all of God’s Saints, to understand the width and height and depth of His love, and we realize that nothing in this world can ever take that away from us (Ephesians 3:18; Romans 8:38-39).

Our appreciation and adoration of God increases daily. We submit more willingly to His cleansing power in our life. God starts a work in our soul, which lasts a lifetime, and we see changes every day in small increments in every area of our soul – our thoughts, choices and emotions (Romans 12:2). He molds us like a Potter with a hunk of clay, makes us into vessels for His service (Isaiah 64:8).

Prayer:
Father God, once we are totally broken, subdued, weak and humbled, we are ready for Your transforming power in our life. Your Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path, so that we will walk on Your straight and narrow way according to Your precepts (Psalm 119:105 Psalm 119:105; Matthew 7:13-14). You take our broken, useless lives and turn them into priceless works of art for Your glory. Remind us not to rely on the thoughts and intents of our heart, but to submit to Your Spirit’s transformation in our life (Proverbs 27:3; Hebrews 4:12; 1 Corinthians 2:16).

Thought for the Day:
We are broken for God’s glory and then raised to walk in New Life with Him.                   – Romans 6:4, Colossians 2:12

Loving Our Spouse

The joining of two human beings as one is a very difficult prospect (Mark 10:8). The high divorce rate proves that this is often impossible to do. There are basic human needs in each person, some of which were never satisfied in childhood. We carry these needs with us our whole life, trying to find fulfillment for them, even in marriage. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs )

When two people marry, they take these needs into this new relationship. If they are incompatible needs or if one person insists on their own needs being met instead of their partner’s, there will be conflict in the marriage. However, if the couple is willing to humble themselves and to prefer one another on a daily basis, a happy marriage is possible (Romans 12:10).

Ask your spouse what he/she needs to feel loved. They may not even realize their basic needs, but there is Christian help at the bookstore, counselor’s office and online. Words are either power tools of encouragement or lethal weapons of destruction (Proverbs 18:21). It turns out that many people need verbal validation from their spouse to feel loved (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Others need help with daily chores, which often overwhelm them (Galatians 6:2). Receiving a little love note or a simple gift during each day will help many other spouses to feel loved (1 Thessalonians 2:7-12). Having a meaningful, undistracted conversation, often accompanied by snuggle time, will do wonders for some other relationships (Hebrews 10:24).

The easiest tool to use to ensure peace and harmony in a relationship is to never insist on one’s own way. Often, one person will have a need or idea they want to fulfill, but their spouse has a different idea of how to respond to this issue. Neither of you can agree with the other person’s assessment, so there is an impasse or a violent argument.

As the popular song recommends, “The road is shorter when we meet in the middle.” Rather than focusing on your own needs to the exclusion of your mate’s needs, look at the issue from a third perspective. Brainstorm together about the problem or need until you find a solution that is agreeable to both of you. Rather than your Plan A, or your spouse’s Plan B, agree on a Plan C that you both feel good about.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us that You joined us as man and woman for the purpose of serving You together with our lives. Help us to prefer one another and to share with each other what you are teaching us every day. In an impasse, remind us that You have a perfect will for this issue or activity in our life. Rather than insisting on our own way, we need to seek You together in order to find Your solution for the problem. We love You and lift You up as Lord and Savior of our life and our marriage.

Thought for the Day:
Today, there are some great resources to help us to maintain an equitable and successful marriage, starting with The Five Love Languages ( http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ ).