Renewed Mind – Part 3 – Recovering from Wounds

My counselor listened to my brief account of my childhood and teen years and commented, “You grew up in a war zone. You are suffering from PTSD.” WOW…who knew!

I thought my life was normal. I did not know other people had nurturing, cherishing homes. My parents also suffered abuse in their childhood and young adult lives.

My mother’s own mother died when she was only three years old. She grew up in an alcoholic home, the only daughter with six brothers and a step-mom who had to work every day of her life.

My dad came back from the Korean War with PTSD and he took out his rage on my mom, three brothers and me. He was a mean man who did nice things now and then – a bipolar personality.

My parents did not seek healing for their wounds and passed them on to me and my three brothers by their attitude and behavior toward us, as well as by their example of coping with life.

They wounded us because of their woundedness. They taught me that I was stupid, clumsy, less than enough, had no real positive qualities and that I had to earn their love.

This deeply affected my self-esteem and how I related to other people. Satan planted these lies deep within my subconscious mind and I believed they were true.

Born with a melancholy personality, this treatment drove me further into myself by wounding my soul and corrupting my image of who I was.

I could not look at myself in the mirror. I disgusted myself. My shortcomings and failures taught me to further despise myself. I longed for unconditional love and acceptance of all of my idiosyncrasies.

At a young age, my mom became the responsible one in her childhood home, who buried her feelings and codependently served everyone else. I learned this behavior from her.

She recognized my need for self-esteem and did all in her power to give me opportunities to excel in life. Thankfully, her efforts prevented me from turning to addictions to mask my pain.

Yet, my poor self-image crippled me and hindered my success. Writing poetry saved me from committing suicide and gave me a release and even hope of a better life.

Then, at age 18, I met the Savior Jesus Christ. He started to sanctify my soul – my thoughts, choices and emotions (Philippians 4:8). He brought me to a prayer warrior who helped me to do spiritual battle and to reclaim my wounded soul for God ( http://www.theophostic.com ).

When I moved away from home, I received much more support from my parents. As I received healing from God in my adult life, God helped me to understand and to forgive my parents; and He used me to nurture and to partially heal my parents as well.

God spoke His truth to my soul and replaced Satan’s lies and my negative self-image with His Truth. I learned to love God, love my self and love others with a pure heart.
( http://www.savedhealed.com/iamlist.htm ).

Prayer:
Father God, thank You for saving me when You did. I felt Your Holy Spirit pouring over me, and drenching every cell in my body and soul with Your love. You taught me to meet my own needs, rather than to neglect my needs or to expect others to meet them for me. I am content in Your love for me regardless of my circumstances.

You brought me to the realization that I am already dead in Christ and that He is now my whole life (Colossians 3:3-4; Galatians 2:20). The enticements of this world, sin and the devil no longer appeal to me. Thank You that Jesus balances my attitudes, opinions and goals in life.

Thought for the Day:
God taught me to find joy in my negative circumstances and to have faith in His faithfulness by changing my focus in life from carnal, earthly affairs to spiritual, eternal ones.
– Romans 8:28

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Identity Crisis

If a child does not receive the fulfillment of his/her legitimate human needs, they will look for people in their adulthood to meet them. Belonging, significance, acceptance, identity and security are the major psychological and emotional necessities in every human soul.

Our emotionally wounded parents were unable to provide these for us. As adults, we search in vain for our perfect soulmate, who has the limitless resources to make up for the deprivation from our past. In search of our fulfillment, we get too involved in earthly pursuits and change partners too often.

Those we reject suffer deep emotional scars, which are almost impossible to heal. As individuals, we attempt to perfect our personality and performance in order to find our personal worth through our human qualities, talents, intelligence, and physical assets.

The problem is that no one is capable of perfection. The key to our fulfillment on this earth is to realize that our true personal worth comes from our relationship with our supreme God and Father (Philippians 4:19). Only He provides us with a secure sense of belonging. We can trust Him and have no fear of His rejecting us for any reason.

If we cling to our deficiencies, rather than surrendering it all to God, we erect an idol, which we continue to “worship”. We allow Satan and our flesh to deceive us, which continues to cripple us. However, when we completely surrender all of our needs to God, He will meet them in His way and timing.

Prayer:
Father God, our freedom comes only as we surrender every aspect of our life to You. As long as we focus on what we lack, we continue to worship idols. Once we take our mind off our needs, and put it on worshipping and serving you, we suddenly discover that we are living a very fulfilling life. Remind us to commit our life to You, because then Jesus heals us and we are totally set free from emotional and psychological hindrances (John 8:32; Psalm 37:5). We enjoy mental, emotional and spiritual freedom, which only comes by learning to find our contentment in You (Philippians 4:11-13).

Thought for the Day:
In truth, complete fulfillment only comes when Christ is our whole life. – Colossians 3:4