Healing from Abusive Behavior – Part 2

Victims of abuse may turn into abusers in order to erase the shame, fears and insecurities, which plague them. They neglect those whom they should cherish, and they allow negative emotions to control our life and theirs.

We may use anger as a means to protect our self from further abuse, but this sends mixed messages. People never know when we will patiently suffer as a martyr or blow up like a volcano at the least provocation.

We may not be able to trust people, but we can trust God. Rather than acting with bombastic and combative behavior, we find our strength and confidence in Christ’s quiet resolve within us.

Then we set boundaries, and firmly but quietly caution people not to cross the line (Isaiah 30:15). They may test our boundaries; but if we consistently remind them, they will soon learn to respect us.

The older we get, the more we tell our self that the abuse happened a long time ago and we should get over it. Yet the shameful effects of the violation and the loss of our innocence and sense of trust can last a lifetime.

We may even find our self questioning if the abuse actually happened. We live in denial and convince our self that our abuser is a revered person who could never do anything that horrific.

When a trigger reminds us of the situation, it is because our soul is crying out for validation and comfort. Our true inner self is desperately attempting to gain our attention and to make us take the abuse seriously enough to stop it or to simply acknowledge it.

Snippets of words, body language, the shape of certain plants, an over-reaction that we cannot explain, bizarre behavior that has no basis in reality are all ways that our soul uses to force us to face and validate the incident(s).

Journaling will enable us to get in touch with the episode(s) and tell our story of abuse without having to make it public knowledge. Journaling validates our feelings, nurtures our wounded soul and is extremely healing.

Prayer:
Father God, You collect all of our tears in Your bottle and avenge every one of them (Psalm 56:8). Even if we feel that we somehow caused or deserved the abuse, You wash away our shame and replace it with the righteousness of Christ (Isaiah 61:7).

Remind us that forgiving our perpetrator actually helps us to heal by taking them off our “hook” and placing them firmly on Your hook. You are much better at rendering vengeance than we are (Romans 12:19; Deuteronomy 32:35). Thank You for healing us from our past and giving us a bright future full of Your love and acceptance (Jeremiah 29:11).

Thought for the Day:
Loss of innocence means that a person who was supposed to protect, nurture and cherish us actually abused us and stole from us what rightfully belongs to us alone.

 

For more information, please join me for regular tips about healing at:

https://www.facebook.com/healingourinnerchild/

 

Advertisements

Forgiveness is the Best Option

Every person ever born deserves to go to hell. We can never be good enough to deserve a place with God in heaven. Earning our own forgiveness is out of the question. Disobedience brought sin into the world and only obedience to God’s Will can free us from its penalty. God’s mercy is from everlasting to everlasting (Psalm 103:17).

 

God does not expect us to arrive at perfection by our own efforts. He gives us both the desire and the power to live a righteous life (Philippians 2:12-13). We are human with our own distinct set of flaws and foibles. Our idiosyncrasies are no better or worse than any one else’s. Therefore, we have no reason to expect perfection from our self or from any other person.

 

However, God wants nothing less than our perfection in Christ. God is all about grace. He wants us to use mercy and grace when we deal with our self and others (Luke 6:36). God desires that we forgive our self and others as well (Ephesians 4:31, 32). We are all wounded souls attempting to survive in this world. Mercy is as important to God as justice.

 

The Pharisees attempted to please God by adding to His law. They believed that more rules were better. Jesus set them straight. God calls us to forgive each other, to show compassion and mercy in the same way that God forgave us through Christ (Ephesians 4:32). If we fail to comply, then we open the door to Satan. He works havoc in our life and defeats us at every turn.

 

If we fail to forgive, we also allow our enemies to persecute us (Matthew 18:34-35). We tie God’s hands with our unforgiveness and He cannot forgive us either (Matthew 6:14). We will prevent Satan from interfering in our life, if we choose to forgive (2 Corinthians 2:10-11). We will also allow God to forgive us. Forgive does not let the troublemaker off the hook, it puts them in God’s vengeful hands and sets us free (Romans 12:19).

 

Prayer:

Father God, when You ask us to forgive, you know that we are still hurting from the abuse inflicted on us by the perpetrator. Our feelings of unforgiveness allow the offender to control a part of our life. We will never forget the infraction, but forgiveness lessons the pain of it in our soul.

 

Thought for the Day:

Forgive as You have been forgiven. – Hebrews 10:17