Disposable People – Part 2 – Advantages of Staying Married

There are many advantages to staying together with our first love. The first benefit is for our children. The continuity of the family is a basic human need.

Children are encouraged that their own marriage will make it through the tough times, just like their parents did. Otherwise, they will develop a disposable mentality as well.

Staying married contributes to overall emotional, mental, spiritual, financial and physical health. It reduces the stress of starting over and the effects of grief, which divorce adds to our life.

Dating new people, while fun in some cases, is risky because everyone has baggage of some sort, visible and invisible. In a second marriage, we often spend more time with our spouse’s children than our own.

Therefore, do not get careless in your marriage; relax, but look, speak and act attractively for one another. Continue dating each other, even when the children come along. Enjoy your mate’s company.

When we and our spouse disagree, we can find a third alternative, on which we can both agree. If there is a seemingly unsolvable issue, get counseling to find an agreeable path.

We may need to take a break, to put a brief time or distance between each other in order to gain a new perspective on our relationship.

A separation for the purpose of reconciliation gives us a chance to talk about our disagreements with the freedom of having a safe place to go if tempers flare or we feel frustrated or unsafe.

We may find that we miss our spouse, the security they give to our life and little joys they bring to our everyday experiences, their laughter and support.

We can both agree to change habits which cause friction in our relationship. We can gain a better understanding of our spouse by talking intimately about each other’s honest feelings, needs and desires.

Forgiveness helps us to rekindle the love we once felt for each other. We will grow to admire, encourage, appreciate, cherish and serve one another all the days of our life, and we will stay together until death parts us.

Prayer:
Father God, remind us that our marriage vows were made to You as well as to our spouse. Prompt us to pray with our spouse, because You help us to resolve our issues. If we take turns praying, each partner praying one sentence at a time, this prevents much of the frustration of praying together. Teach us to pause and listen to You speak to us as we pray too.

Help us to bear one another’s burdens, to be long suffering with each other’s shortcomings, to encourage and build each other up and to enjoy one another’s company. Remind us why we fell in love in the first place and help us to keep the eternal flame of agape love burning.

Thought for the Day:
Love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8

Advertisements

Surviving a Second Marriage

Too often, a divorcee will run from one bad marriage to another. They do not allow themselves time to recover mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually from the initial abandonment before jumping into another wedding. This causes them to haul the heavy baggage of their unresolved conflicts into their next marriage.

The mental health experts all advise us to date many people for six months or more. This gives us an extensive idea of what type of person we can enjoy, get along with and live with on a daily basis. Some people worry about being alone for the rest of their life, and they marry the first person who is kind to them or who has the physical attributes that attract them.

This may cause us to marry the same type of person that just divorced us. Many divorcees ignore the red flags, which pop up with a person. The anger in their voice, the controlling attitude, the slight irritation or disappointment, the selfish decision, the broken promise, etc. are all red flags to alert us to the person’s real personality. They may mask their true identity for a while, but once they know they won our affections, they gradually let their guard down.

So, when we find someone who really interests us, we should casually date them as a potential mate for three months first; and then at least three more months of seeing the person every day with their family, friends and workmates. This gives us a better view of how they really act, because they cannot pretend in front of people who already know them.

Prayer:
Father God, the devastation of divorce causes us to doubt our self, fear the future and believe that we will be lonely and unhappy for the rest of our life. Teach us that You are our mate and that You will provide for all of our needs, even the intimacy, which we crave (Isaiah 54:5; John 17:21). You stick closer to us than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). You care about all of our needs; so remind us to cast our cares on You, rather than to seek a mate too quickly and to marry out of Your will for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Thought for the Day:
Many people spend half of their life looking for love, but when they put their trust in God, He brings their true love along in His timing and way.
More info at:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/christian_singles/being_single_and_faithful/reentering_the_dating_scene_after_divorce.aspx