There are so many hurdles to overcome in any relationship. When we consider that we cannot even “get along” with our self at times, it is amazing that any marriage can ever survive the trials of life. The only way for true success is to depend totally on God.
One hurdle in the unity of a marriage is co-dependency. This occurs when one or both spouses look to one another for acceptance, affirmation, and affinity. We expect our mate to complete us and fulfill us. We depend on each other to fill our joy “tank” and to make us happy.
One problem with this attitude is that no other person is capable of bringing us contentment. They may try; however, they never really hit the bullseye every time. We expect each other to listen to our “hints”, and to read between the lines in order to pick up on the words that we leave out.
Another tool we use in relationships stems from the intense fear and insecurity in our soul. We attempt to control our relationships. We shy away from vulnerability and honesty, and adopt an aloof or an aggressive personality style. We appear to have our life all together, when in reality we are falling apart inside of our soul.
As aggressors, we use dominance and anger to keep our self safe, which demoralizes our relationships. We end up manipulating, demanding from, and demeaning others. This results in them withdrawing from and avoiding us, which only serves to isolate us.
These survival methods undermine the intimacy and enjoyment we crave from our relationship. We may continue to dwell together, but we grow further apart with each conflict. We exist, but we do not flourish or thrive. We avoid connecting with each other to avoid confrontation.
Love is a feeling and an action, and cannot be artificially manufactured or demanded. Only mutual submission, compassion, cherishing, respect and appreciation can provide the soil for our affections to grow. Prayer will unite us in God’s will for us.
Father God, remind us that we cannot change another person to be able to meet our needs. We can make requests, but they often view them as demands, because our requests make them feel incapable, frustrated and pressured. Help us to see that we can only change our self, our expectations, and our ability to trust You to meet our needs, and to meet our needs our self, as we keep our focus on You.
Help us to learn to accept each other with all of our faults and foibles, our negative personality traits, and our fears and insecurities. Show us ways to creatively find methods to request that our spouse join us in pursuing our interest, but we also need to join them in pursuing theirs as well; this will broaden our horizons. Help us to discover a new hobby that we both enjoy together. Primarily, remind us to pray together and to seek Your will for our relationship.
Thought for the Day:
As long as we are discontent, co-dependent, controlling, etc. with our spouse, we cannot totally depend on God for our fulfillment; rather than operating out of fear that our mate will leave us, we can seek God’s acceptance of us and abide in the center of His will for our thoughts, deeds, desires, words, expectations and joy.