I had a temper problem and did not understand why? My outburst were like a volcano – quick and powerful. I did not realize the deep scars I was leaving on those in the way of my eruptions, until I came face-to-face with someone who did more than complain about them.
After 22 years, my first husband divorced me…mainly because of these emotional tirades. I did not curse or belittle anyone, but I did YELL at the top of my lungs! He said he could not handle it anymore.
I tried to explain that the same emotional make-up in me that allowed me to laugh hysterically at his jokes and attempts at humor, which he loved, was the same emotional drive that caused me to express my angry feelings with such passion, but this did no good.
Two years later, my new husband came to the same impasse in our marriage; yet, he was willing to help me to unravel the reasons behind my anger.
We discovered two culprits:
- I had years of pent up anger hiding in my subconscious mind, which was fueling each eruption.
- I only got angry when someone diminished the importance of my needs when I calmly expressed them; or if they made a decision that affected my life, without giving me to chance to have a part in the details of the choice.
This gave us something with which to work. I attended several sessions of Transformation Prayer, and God revealed some deep-seated wounds from my past that I had no conscious memory of, but were buried deep in my subconscious mind.
Then, my current husband cared enough to change his behavior. He started taking my issues seriously, even when he saw no value or importance in them. He realized that I had a perspective as a woman that he did not have as a man.
He also stopped making decisions, which affected me, until he discussed them with me first. At times, we discovered an impasse, and we prayed together for God to reveal a third option on which we could both agree. This is a mainstay for the success of our marriage.
Father God, thank You for revealing the root causes of my anger and for giving us these solutions, which made a huge difference in our relationship. Our love and understanding for one another grows deeper each day as You taught us to play together, as well as to pray together about the issues of each day.
Having more fun times to share also improved our relationship. Thank You for caring so deeply and for giving us Your Word to teach us how to have healthy, personal relationships with one another and with You. We are so grateful for Your presence in our life, and for our union with Your Trinity each moment of it.
Thought for the Day:
Biblical Tips on Resolving Anger Issues:
- Psalm 4:4 – When we feel negative emotions, we need to go to a private spot and reflect on what is causing them, so that God can reveal to us the reasons behind them.
- James 1:20 – We use anger to protect our self when we are hurt, afraid, rejected, unappreciated, disparaged, or neglected; but anger does the opposite, because it opens us up to believe the devil’s lies and to fall into his destruction. Forgiveness is the key to relinquishing anger.