We form our individuality from birth. Our reactions to life’s developments cause us to make choices, and we collect “baggage” from unresolved conflicts in our soul. We develop a wall of protection, which becomes a hindrance to true intimacy in our marriage.
We usually marry a person that we really love, admire and feel a passion towards. However, sometimes they are lacking in certain areas, and we optimistically hope that they will change to be more of the person we need in our life. This is a time-bomb.
If we do not accept our future mate just the way he/she is, then we are asking for a troubled marriage. Marriage never changes anyone’s core values, basic habits, personality and character.
We both put on a “good face” while dating, but after the wedding we relax. Also, over the years, we both adjust our perspective on life, our dreams and goals, our interests and our outlook, etc. and this often affects the way we relate to and feel about each other.
We have to realize that we both deserve to have our own values, individual life plans, and the right to make our own choices. This calls for us to choose to continue to love and serve the person we married, even when we do not agree with their choices.
Communication is difficult in any setting: in marriage, at work, with parent-child relationships, in our community, etc. Have you ever had a conversation with yourself? If we are honest, we will admit that, at times, we even argue with our self.
The key to success in this area is for both mates to walk in the Spirit. We consult God and communicate with one another before we make any plans or decisions about our day. God will lead us both on the path in which we should go.
Father God, help us to love one another as we love our self (Mark 12:30-31). Teach us to develop vulnerability in place of defensiveness, humility to replace pride, openness in place of resistance, apology instead of accusing, forgiveness rather than holding grudges, and living in Your will more preferably than relying on our human resources.
Help us to do all that we can to live in peace with everyone, especially our mate. Remind us that if we consult You before making any plans, we will live in more harmony with one another (Proverbs 3:5-6). Help us when we feel misunderstood, lonely even though we are married, falsely accused, disappointed, etc. Teach us to compromise, rather than to insist on our goals and desires, until we find common ground on which we can both stand.
Thought for the Day:
In marriage, remember not to neglect the important aspects of love that keep our souls connected: worshipping God and praying together, holding hands, giving focused attention, doing random acts of kindness, serving our community together, hugging when we pass in the house rather than walking by each other, having a date night, playing together, laughing together, etc.