A person with a controlling attitude gets that way due to abusive, insecure and fearful circumstances in their past. If our current relationships and lifestyle provide us with security, we are much less controlling.
However, if we continue to live in uncertain situations or are not confident in the love of those in our life, we will attempt to keep our self safe by using control.
Controlling parents often produce controlling adult children. Controllers use manipulation, guilt, persuasive words, belittling, bargaining, etc. to attempt to keep our self safe.
We are endeavoring to escape from the pain of our past, but in reality we are reaping more pain for our future. We do not believe that we deserve good things to happen to us.
Our attempt to control our life, and the people in it, produces the opposite effect that we are trying to achieve. Rather than to feel more love, we push people away and actually receive less love.
Maybe we did not feel loved by our parents, we experienced mental, emotional or physical abuse in some form, and/or we were constantly criticized and made to feel that we never measured up.
We felt betrayed by people that we trusted, and we continually formed relationships with abusing or distant people. We never developed a sense of security, trust, or felt unconditionally loved.
Our peers may have rejected, ridiculed or bullied us. We choose a mate that is physically, emotionally or mentally abusive or unavailable, or one who is easy to manipulate, or one who has unrealistic expectations of us that we try to live up to.
Our personality may lend to more introspection and sensitivity, so that we are easily hurt or offended. We see the glass as half empty, we lose hope and expect bad things to happen to us, and we have little or no self-esteem or self-worth.
People are human. We do our best, and no one can expect us to do more than our best. Rather than controlling others, we can develop the habit of agreeing to disagree, or to come up with a third option on which we can both agree.
Father God, thank You for teaching us that the only way to break this cycle of fear and insecurity is to realize that our worth is in Christ; and that He is the lover of our soul, our provider, our security and our champion against all of life’s troubles and trials.
Remind us that attempting to control others and circumstances is futile and illusive. Help us to do our best, and to allow others to do their best. Teach us to give them the benefit of the doubt, and the freedom to be the person that You made them to be with all of their foibles and idiosyncrasies.
Thought for the Day:
What we once thought was important may eventually be inconsequential when compared to what God provides for us; we learn not to rely on our human reasoning or abilities, and to give others the freedom to fail or to let us down, because now we are relying on Jesus to meet all of our needs. – Philippians 3:7-9