Men often say that if their mate would trust them, they would have a standard to live up to, because they want to please their mate. There is truth in this, but our standard is God’s Word and it is Him that we must please.
When our spouse is an insecure person from wounds in their past, their greatest need is to feel cherished and accepted by us; otherwise, they fear they are not good enough, and they often fear possible unfaithfulness in the relationship.
This combination may breed a self-fulfilling scenario, which subconsciously causes one or both mates to give in when the devil presents a temptation; thus “proving” their mate was right not to trust them.
This “catch 22” can be avoided, however, if we go overboard in our thoughts, behavior and consideration in helping our mate to be free from the causes of his/her insecurities and showers him/her with reasons to feel secure in our love for them.
Trust starts with us living beyond reproach with members of the opposite sex: not flirting “harmlessly”, not having a meal alone with a person of the opposite sex- not even with a workmate, not leaving the room to chat on the phone, or carrying someone’s phone number in our wallet or on our speed dial are a few ideas on how to foster trust.
We cannot tell lies either, not even little white lies that we consider harmless or for the sake of “protecting” our spouse’s feelings or their opinion of us. Lies always catch up with us and entrap us and tear down the boundary of love and trust that surrounds us as a couple.
Trust continues with both mates knowing each other’s love languages and making the effort to love one another in the ways that make us feel loved in the deepest part of our soul. The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman is full of ideas on how to love our mate in ways that will help them to feel loved.
Father God, give us ideas throughout the day of ways to remind one another that they are the only one who is always on our mind. Help us to see that phoning, texting or emailing one another during breaks throughout the day, just to chat and to keep each other informed of our activities and feelings, will foster intimacy between us and our mate. We do not have to give account of our actions; but we let our spouse know that we are thinking of them, and that we are living an open, honest life in front of You, them and others.
Remind us to spend romantic time alone together as a couple on a regular basis. This will go far in providing for each other’s need to feel deep love and security. Caution us to limit trips away from one another for the sake of work, sports, hunting, shopping sprees, girl’s or boy’s night out or a week-end get-away in order to cut down opportunities for Satan to tempt us, and also to eliminate many times that he can whisper lies of unfaithfulness to our spouse.
Thought for the Day:
Living as best friends rather than roommates will increase our feelings of love for our self and one another, and remind us why we fell in love in the first place; if we do not feel romantic love for our intended, we need to be friends, but date other people – we do our intended an injustice if we do not love them romantically before the wedding day.